(not including endless work on Froissart and fixing stuff and learning more tech stuff and typing. February 3, 2008. Microsoft wants to buy Yahoo? Hoo-boy! Maybe that's why MS released Vista and ruined all the web-hosts offering site-builders out there, including Yahoo, to make Yahoo gladder to bail, so that they don't have to deal with all the betrayed small business webmasters who can't use their key marketing tool any longer. If Yahoo was really smart, and interested also in battling on behalf of their sabotaged customers, they would sue MS for making a system that spoiled thousands of websites with Vista. Fat chance. If Microsoft was really interested in making up for its inability to compete with Google, it could take that 44 billion and buy world peace (which is always for sale), giving a few thousand in rebates to everybody who bought a hybrid car or one that uses bio-diesel, along with Windows XP-Pro -- world-wide. That would certainly do a whole lot of good for the planet and prove that MS was interested in doing something for people who buy from them AFTER they got our dough and the warranty is up. Fruitless wishing while I pout, I know. January 29, 2008. The Sportive Sonnets and The Serious Sonnets by Pietro Aretino, translated by Samuel Putnam are online and finally proofed. January 20, 2008. The rest of the Letters by Pietro Aretino, translated by Samuel Putnam are online and finally proofed. From the Encyclopædia of Comedy, by J. Melville Janson, a vaudeville minstrel and comedian, p. 16: A doctor was hurt very badly by a well caving in on him. He should have attended to the sick and let the well alone. January 12, 2008. I have not been on vacation. I wish I had been. For the first time in over 2 years, it has taken me 12 days to add something to this website and that is very upsetting to me. Due to Microsoft's betrayal of its existing customers in order to make a buck by any means, fair or foul, this website has to be re-organized completely. This is necessary so that it can be seen properly by all those who were suckered into buying Vista and Microsoft Internet Explorer Version 7. The exploitation of its customer base by Microsoft is abetted by all the companies who design their products for use by those with Microsoft's computers — so they could grab their share of the MS moola. The inability of these secondary businesses who catered to Microsoft users but then failed to adapt their services to make those same purchased tools work with Vista, (e.g. Yahoo, my webhost provider) has compounded the difficulty. The ease of making websites and using computers without a great deal of expertise, was the major initial push by big tech companies to hook a lot of us in and make consumers dependent on computers. After we enriched them, this is no longer a consideration by MS and their pimps, who first made their money making non-techno-wise customers happy. All of us stoo-oooo-pid patsies, having spent a fair chunk of our dough, and trust, to make them rich and insensitive, are no longer of any importance in their business agendas. I am reconsidering enabling them to do so by supporting them with a single dime of mine in any way. It is astounding, positively miraculous, how much US politicians and US corporate giants resemble each other, ain't it? January 1, 2008. Happy New Year to all! If its not quite happy seeming to you, read this Happy December, Sad January, for a possible reason why. 20 more Letters, XX-XXXIX, of Pietro Aretino, translated by Samuel Putnam are online and finally proofed. December 30, 2006. The first 19 letters of Pietro Aretino, the " Poison-Flower of the Renaissance" aka the "Scourge of Princes" translated by Samuel Putnam are online and finally proofed. A quote by T. W. Higginson: An ounce of mother, says the Spanish proverb, is worth a pound of clergy. December 24, 2007. Wide Awake, The Artless Prattle of Childhood, and Spring Days in Burlington, by Robert J. Burdette are online and partially proofed. The Biography of Pietro Aretino by De Sanctis, translated by Samuel Putnam (with the kind permission of Hilary Putnam) is online and finally proofed as well. From The New Pun Book, p. 150: "Yes, dear," said the petted young wife, examining her Christmas gift, "these diamond earrings are pretty, but the stones are awfully small." "Of course, my dear," replied the diplomat husband, "but if they were any larger they'd be all out of proportion to the size of your ears." December 21, 2007. Found a 3 year long typo. I misread the title to 700 Limerick Lyrics and have listed it as 100 Limerick Lyrics for 2 years. It was a weird font and only on one page of the entire book. A feeble excuse possibly, but true. Vista is particularly unfriendly in a major way. For web-sites that are designed prior to the new platform it was possible to adjust text size in the browser. Now with Vista they have eliminated that ability with sites that used older terminology used in web design. It is also difficult to figure out how to open Web PDF's made with earlier versions. Adobe is also not particularly friendly if you want to figure out how to make their pages open properly in Vista. The alternative is to have to buy the friendlier XP software or to fix a gazillion webpages. Not an easy decision. If anybody is having trouble and tells me, I will do something about it. Hopefully (okay, its a far stretch even for optimistic thinking), Microsoft will fix some of these problems before that. From The New Pun Book, p. 115:
"With a knife and fork." December 17, 2007. For anyone who is forced into getting Windows Vista when they are equally forced by disposable computer companies to replace their computers, a few tips to avoid techno-rage. Know that there is no wordprocessor program or spell-check program on Vista Home Premium Edition. If you need spell-check, you are in big trouble. You will have to shell out big bucks to get the whole software package. Don't do it! Do this: Go to www.openoffice.org and download their software free, it includes a good wordprocessor. It will even work for Mac and Linux users it appears. Now --To convert your documents that are otherwise wasted from your old computer. Get the microsoft word viewer 2003. Free. You will be able to view word and works documents and then copy and paste them into the open office Writer wordprocessor. Here's the link (cut and paste it into your browser): http://www.microsoft.com/downloads/details.aspx?FamilyId=95E24C87-8732-48D5- 8689-AB826E7B8FDF&displaylang=en This only took me 3 days to figure out how to do. Merry Christmas to any this helps. The tutorials on openoffice.org are some of the very best I have ever seen. Easy to understand, clear and focused. Larry, the Staples manager told me about this before I could get madder that I couldn't do a dang thing with all the documents I had on my old computer and the books in my queue to put online that would never make it online without auto-correct and spell-check. What few people tell you about laptops. They are disposable. Before you go for all the bells and whistles, somersaults and cartwheels, gimcracks and gizmos, consider this in your purchase plan and budget. Laptops last 3 years on average, and still require regular replacement under warranty to make it that far (in my experience). The same one-consumer experience (mine), has been that tech support is crucial and decent service for any warranty work is even more so. Compaq led the industry for many years in customer service and tech support but now has become terrible with Hewlett- Packard. I bought 2 in a row. The first broke twice or thrice, the second broke twice. All needed motherboard replacement. (Which will cost as much as a new computer should you forget to get coverage.) Compaq was so wonderful in this regard that I got a second. Hewlett-Packard is so much worse in this regard that I ditched them this time around without falling for the special pricing. This time, I decided to try a new brand and went with an Acer. The store special and 300 dollars cheaper for equivalent memory, ram, processor, etc. Fortunately I decided to get the extended warranty from Staples with accidental damage and a much cheaper price than with any other company and they swear they will support the software installed (barring the trial software probably, but I didn't ask since dumping those jerks at Norton is a reflex). Acer will only support the hardward anyway because they don't pre-install any programs, apparently that is up to the retailer to do. A new trick. The Staples plan covers phone support and is available 24/7 which Toshiba and Acer and Macs and several other companies don't offer. They also have native English speakers so you can understand the technician and also have clearer phone reception. since the call is not routed to Ultima Thule, or to the land of the Hyperboreans or something. Acer's phone number for tech support is not even available online or in their manual. Their website is also full of typos and mistranslation into English. All of which is very worrying to this new customer. On the other hand, Acer is more easily fixable without complete motherboard replacements and supposedly is using higher quality components to gain momentum in the laptop market. They just bought out Gateway computers so they are not going to go away apparently (for the moment at least). Lastly, in 5 years of laptops, nobody ever told me that a cooling fan was a great idea. Whether it actually extends the lifespan of the computer I don't know and since my computers made it to 2 and 3 years without it, it may not be essential. My friendly local computer engineer says yes. The Staples tech support sweetie-pie says there is no literature or conclusive studies on this issue. But hoping to get more than 2 months past my extended warranty period for a change, I decided to spend the 37 dollars. Alan, the Staples tech support guy, says their warranty isn't limited by some other snags of the bigger companies, like voiding everything that could be considered operator error like downloading or transferring your favorite but possibly incompatible software inadvertently and stuff like that, (this includes your nice printer, scanner, fax and image software, etc., that worked with your previous Windows software. This is a huge snakepit with Vista and the computer company's warranty may not cover this, nor will tech support help fix it. Beware. Uniquely, Staples offers one free screen replacement if it is damaged in their warranty. Whether all this makes up for this trouble changing computers is still unclear and I have 12 more days to return the whole thing and take up pen and paper again, as in the good old days. Whatever you do, though, a one year warranty isn't enough. Your laptop is gonna break and might do it several times. There are very few freelance technicians that will touch laptops to repair or even upgrade them if you live outside a major city and they don't come cheap. For laptop manufacturers to only offer a one years warranty, just like toasters or coffee-makers, is ridiculous, of course. The plans vary in price and Dell is the supreme gouger in this area. The Staples plan was the cheapest with the most coverage and includes express pick up, so you don't have to drive to some service center to turn in your computer for fixing. The best solution to protest all the techno-greed is to beg Mac to lower their prices for a for a year or two and allow people to make the big leap over to Apple. This would force Microsoft and computer companies to become a little more consumer friendly. Macs have tons of advantages, their support is pretty good (but not 24/7) and could make all the other guys do a whole lot better to get your computer dollar and loyalty. Plus it might force everybody to make systems compatible. Enough of this. Since people are thinking about laptops for Xmas or whatever, maybe some will be interested. Joke later. December 16, 2007. Miss me? My laptop fried. Before it melted, I managed to complete and finally proof The Silvae of Statius, translated by D. A. Slater. There are some notes added and links to pertinent contents elsewhere as well. More will be forthcoming, now that I am up and running (sort of) again. I am not quite in a joking mood for the moment. Only because I can barely type on this new keyboard or use the rest of this fool computer. December 9, 2007. The Ode to Autumn by Robert J. Burdette is online and partially proofed, with a footnote by Greta Fields, a treasure trove of information, which aids in comprehension. Also from The Rise and Fall of the Mustache and other Hawkeyetems by Burdette, Robert J.: The Sorrows of the Poor, Mr. Gerolman loses his Dog, A Rainy Day Idyl, A Singular Transformation, Suburban Solitude, A Burlington Adder, Misapplied Science. From 700 Limerick Lyrics, (op. cit. somewhere earlier) p. 77:
Whose language came gushing in tawrence, Till told by her teacher, "Your manner, dear creacher, Is more than your scholarship warrence." December 8, 2007. Major site reorganization partially done. If you find something hinky or a broken link, or blank page, I would really truly appreciate hearing about it. Of course, about now you are certain that nobody you know deserves all the trouble and expense you have gone to make them merry this month, so they really deserve a lump of coal in their stocking. We can grab some chunks for you and have them there in time. It will also help keep this site ad-free, or help out some mighty special people doing great work but are largely unrecognized. Such fond aspirations are mirrored in this pithy bit from The New Pun Book, p. 112 (a repeat from a couple of Archives back, but irresistible):
SHE -- No, but a woman will. December 5, 2007. The Newfoundland Dog, and The Pug Dog, by Edward Jesse, are online, from Anecdotes of Dogs. Partially proofed. Master Bilderback Returns to School, by Robert J. Burdette is online and partially proofed. From The New Pun Book, p. 120:
models. DICK -- What for? FRED -- To try on Parlor suits.
"Yes, there is one part of the doughnut that wouldn't give you dyspepsia." "And what part is that?" "The hole in the middle !"
FANNIE --Why do people always apply the name of "she" to a city? GEORGE -- I don't know. Why is it? FANNIE -- Because every city has outskirts.
"And you really believe that Friday is an unlucky day?" "I know it is." "Washington was born on Friday, and so was Napoleon and Tennyson and Gladstone." "Yes, and every mother's son of them is dead !" [Contribution from Bill Thayer: "Washington and Gladstone were indeed born on Fridays. Tennyson was born on a Sunday, and Napoleon on a Tuesday."]
"Are you an amateur photographer?" "No. Why do you ask?" "Oh, I heard that you got Miss Rox's negative last night." December 2, 2007. The Rise and Fall of the Mustache, Getting Ready for the Train, Driving the Cow, Voices in the Night, and The Demand for Light Labor, along with Infantile Scintillations, by Robert J. Burdette, are really now online. (Some finally and some partially proofed) I had forgotten to upload two of them after announcing that I had done so. As Maxwell Smart says: "Sorry about that !!!" The Appendix on John the Scot, by Reginald Poole is online, partially proofed. The Silvae of Statius, translated by D. A. Slater, have been subdivided into their individual pieces. It is complete except for the end notes and the Index of first Lines and the final proofing awaits. The Introduction and the Chapter on The Irish and Highland Wolf-Dog, by Edward Jesse, are online, from Anecdotes of Dogs. Partially proofed. From The New Pun Book, p. 80:
"when a reputable physician has to pay money for a certificate to practice, and a fourteen-year-old girl with a new piano doesn't." December 1, 2007. Source-books of the Renaissance in Italy and Germany, by Merrick Whitcomb is complete and finally proofed. He includes brief bios and has done most of the English translations. Extracts from the works of Dante, Boccaccio, Plutarch, Poggio, Sacchetti, Alberti, Aeneas Sylvius, Machiavelli, Lorenzo de' Medici, Platina, Cellini, Bandello, Bisticci represent the Italian Renaissance. Agricola, Wimpheling, Reuchlin, Brant, Maximilian I., Erasmus, von Hutten, Letters of Obscure Men, Butzbach and Platter represent the German Renaissance, with a very helpful essay on the Renaissance in Germany. An original limerick for my Mother:
Clay from slip, slab, to wheel is allotted, When its finished by glazing She says, fondly gazing “When I’m planted? Just have me potted!” One of my favorite types of limericks are those which are funny only in the written form. The authors of them take advantage of unphonetic spellings, or use abbreviations for their fun. It is a great reward to those of us who can read! Only in this media do these morsels of wit work best. An example is this one from 100 Limerick Lyrics, (although I have put up many of this type on these pages -- see the Archives link below for more:
Who hugged hard each girl as he kr.; And he kissed with such glee That his girl exclaimed, “See! Your lips, upon mine, raised a blr.” In this vein, is another original limerick inspired by both my parents:
Fifty years in tandem, (through occasional quas.) Their start? Colo. Each house El Doro. No anthem . . . . . just grant them a wreath of laus. (Both of these are copyrighted, by the way, by Elfinspell. © 2007) November 28, 2007. The sections by Lorenzo de Medici, Nicolo Machiavelli, Benvenuto Cellini and Baldassare Castiglione from A Literary Source-Book of the Italian Renaissance, by Merrick Whitcomb are online and all finally proofed. Extracts by Jacob Wimpheling, and 2 dialogues by Erasmus are online as well, translated by by Merrick Whitcomb, from A Literary Source-Book of the German Renaissance as well. Partially proofed. From 100 Limerick Lyrics, p. 18: A decrepit old gas man named Peter, While hunting around for the meter, Touched a leak with his light, He arose out of sight, And, as anyone can see by reading this, it also destroyed the meter. November 24, 2007. For Tory and Karl (notice I quit with the e?), with a big Thanks appended for good will, willing hands and wonderful visit, from 100 Limerick Lyrics, p. 86:
And kissed him quite slyly, Then laughed in a murmur of glee, And they say the velocity of his reciprocity Was really refreshing to see. From Merrick Whitcomb's A Literary Source-book of the Italian Renaissance, (all partially proofed): Brief Bio and a few of the Novels of Giovanni Boccaccio, translated by Kelly; Brief Bio and extract from the Trattato del Governo della Famiglia, by Leon [also spelled Leone] Battista Alberti, translated by Whitcomb. Bio and extract from De Liberorum Educatione by Aeneas Sylvius (later Pope Pius II.), translated by Woodward. Brief Bio and extracts from The Lives of the Popes, by Bartolommeo Sacchi, better known as Platina, translated by Sir Paul Rycant, Kt., in 1688. Brief Bio and Extracts by Vespasiano da Bisticcci from his works on The Libraries of Nicholas V., Frederick of Urbino and Cosimo de' Medici. November 21, 2007. More jokes from The Repository of Wit and Humor, selected and arranged by Lafayette Byrn, M.D. are online, including this one from p. 52:
unripe, one said it was ridiculous to call them black berries, when they were red. "Don’t you know," said his friend, "that blackberries are always red when they are green? " A Letter by Petrarch on his love of the Classics is online, translated by Merrick Whitcomb. November 19, 2007. Karl, a noble thane, liked this one from The New Pun Book, p. 23:
STRANGER -- How can you tell? GUIDE -- By its bark. And Tor(e)y's favorite from 100 Limerick Lyrics, p. 111:
Who bites all her oysters in two, For she feels a misgiving, Should any be living, They'd kick up a hullabaloo. Thanks to Karl and Tor(e)y, who made the text available to me, the very-hard-to-come-by book: The Autobiography of Johannes Butzbach, A Wandering Scholar of the Fifteenth Century, translated by Seyboldt and Monroe is online, with an Appendix with excerpts from the autobiography of Burkhard Zink. Finally proofed. Along the same line of descriptions of wandering scholars, also online is that by Thomas Platter, translated by Merrick Whitcomb. Partially proofed. For Cangrande: a few more novels by Matteo Bandello, translated by John Payne, some Dante stuff: excerpts from On Monarchy (De Monarchia), translated by F. C. Church and a letter from Dante to The Princes and Peoples of Italy, translated by C. S. Latham, A Letter by Rudolf Agricola, a part of the White King, the autobiography by Maximilian I., and A Letter by Johann Reuchlin, These last 3 translated by Merrick Whitcomb are online. Partially proofed. November 16, 2007. An extract from the Ship of Fools by Sebastian Brant, translated by Merrick Whitcomb is online. Getting Ready for the Train, Driving the Cow and Voices of the Night, by Robert J. Burdette are online and worth a grin or two. Due to idiocy, I forgot to upload the Contents page of The History of Chivalry by G. P. R. James, so the links didn't work, and it was unavailable. That's fixed, and the whole text is online and finally proofed (except the Notes at the end in French). It has a very good, very readable history of the Crusades. In that line, from 700 Limerick Lyrics, p. 55:
Who said, "I will cross the wide main; "Too damp here," he cried; "So good-by to King Ned, I will leave and get out of the reign." from p. 87:
Tried to pull out the tail of mule, And the coroner's ju., By the body did view, And brought in a verdict "damphool." and from p. 51:
Take tea with Lady Bowsers. With manner free She spilt some tea And rusted Jim's best trousers. November 14, 2007. For John W. and his family, a charming Peruvian folk-tale, The Scorpion of Father Gomez, first written down in Spanish by Ricardo Palma, then translated by an uncredited translator into English in Volume VIII, Tales of Today, from the series Tales from the Italian and Spanish (1920): From The New Pun Book (1906), p. 6:
before? The Witness -- Have I. I'm a married man. --Life [Magazine]. and from p. 58:
ANDARRY -- Ah! You want one ready maid. Some Maxims of Benjamin Franklin:
To lengthen thy life, lessen thy meals. He is ill-clothed who is bare of virtue. November 9, 2007. Chateau de Blois, by Jules Loiseleur is online, from Romantic Castles and Palaces As Seen and Described by Famous Writers, edited and Translated by Esther Singleton is online. Partially proofed. Some Lies and Errors of History, by Reuben Parsons is all done and online, and completely proofed. A troublesome book, but as the modern example of classic rhetoric and oratory, the good Father is unbeatable. Fortunately, humor is not absent, and honorable intentions, without malice, make it possible to confront the less digestible and detestable chapters (only 3 of the whole). Of course his opposition is no less palatable and evident in all the chapters. Your own stock of cynicism will be augmented considerably. After that dispiriting collection, it took me a good while to get this limerick, but it was worth it! From p. 134, of 100 Limerick Lyrics:
Had a fire and went off for an ain't John, He helped it to play, But, alas, the next day, He was plagued with rheumatical twaint John ! November 8, 2007. The Man with the Iron Mask, by Reuben Parsons, from Some Lies and Errors of History is online. To go alone with this, also online is another solution which seems more likely is found in The Man with the Iron Mask, by Frantz Funck-Brentano from Legends of the Bastille, authorised translation by George Maidment. From A 100 Limerick Lyrics, p. 75:
Loudly declared that he'd tho. Men that he saw, Dumping dirt near the store, The drivers, therefore, didn't do. November 7, 2007. A few more jokes added from The Book of 1000 Anecdotes or The Repository of Wit and Humor, selected and arranged by M. Lafayette Byrn, M. D., (1857) including this one from p. 24:
his father for a specimen of his talents, while entertaining a party of friends at vacation. The scholar knelt upon the hearth and roared lustily twice, to the great surprise of the old squire, who asked him what the ——— he meant by that. "Why, sir,"replied the son, "seeing the fire so low, I thought it might be the better for a pair of bellows." Conway Castle by Grant Allen, The Alhambra by Edmondo de Amicis, and Lambeth Palace by John Richard Green are online from Romantic Castles and Palaces As Seen and Described by Famous Writers, edited and Translated by Esther Singleton is online. Partially proofed. November 4, 2007. 100 More Jokes from Mark Lemons's Jest Book (originally published in 1864) are online and partially proofed, including this one, from p. 81:
what makes the ocean get angry?" — "Because it has been crossed so often, my son." The Mikado's Palace by Pierre Loti and Warwick Castle by Lady Warwick is online from Romantic Castles and Palaces As Seen and Described by Famous Writers, edited and Translated by Esther Singleton is online. Partially proofed. November 1, 2007. Just found out that the name Dante (as in the famous Dante Alighieri, author of the "Divine Comedy", and "The New Life") is short for Durante, which was his baptismal name. Some other poetry by Dante is online in Italian and In English, translated by Lorna de Lucchi, as is poetry by Cino Da Pistoia, Giovanni Boccaccio, Franco Sacchetti, Matteo Maria Boiardo, Luigi Alamanni and Francesco Berni. (some partially proofed, some fully proofed). From Wit and Humor for Public Speakers, p. 237:
prevents it from falling?" asked Araminta. It must be the beams," replied Jimmie, and then he fled.
Ocean." In this, the chorus fits that tune but the verses after have an extra line -- make up your own melody for that one. As Nancy comments, it is "Do-It-Yourself" sort of music: even better!): 
par moi (A Ma.)
My angel now plays in cold seas, Too far to see, though I’m squinting, Oh, bring back my baby to me! Our mountains may be a lot older, And sagging with age, ... (like me). Our black bears are not quite so vicious; While snakes, mean as a grizzly, Can thrill her, if only she’ll see!
Blubber and Bubble Tea are lacking, Bugs right here, at least, are diverse. Boys? Just the same, all perverse. Bread now may not be as seedy, But, darling, our Nuts are no worse!
Soooooooooo………. Cast off the mud from your booties, Grab your pooch under your arm. Jump on the next Juneau ferry (I’ll steam the dang biscuits, my sweetie,) As you flit your way Eastward to me!
Note: "Blubber" refers to the fat of whales, which is still a staple (and taste treat to many) in parts of Alaska. A frozen cube of raw whale blubber was a snack that an Alaskan native, that I met 2 years ago, missed the most when she spent a few years in Connecticut. If they sold such chunks, would they be called "Fatsicles," do you think? "Bubble Tea" is a college-trendy non-alcoholic drink. Round pea-sized balls of tapioca are added to herbal teas and served with large straws. They are clear, so the tea looks like it has bubbles in it. Also, people eat the bubbles as they suck them up. The teas come in exotic flavors, but the bubbles taste like nothing and have the texture of gummi-worms. Besides Juneau, there's a cute little bistro in downtown Boston that sells bubble tea and their slogan is "Tea with Balls." They also warn you to suck responsibly, so you don't choke on the little blobs.
Will hide her drowsy head, And, for the sport of kings, increase The number of the dead. The whole poem is found here at the bottom of the page. There once was a painter quite bold Who never did as she was told She steadied her ladder But it didn't matter, Now she is on the floor, out cold!
© May, 2007. Uh, oh! Straydoc is a little peeved, I see! Find out why here, it's pretty funny. Hopefully this will help change behaviors, as you laugh. Share the page with your friends and enough publicity could lead to a difference in abusive corporate business tactics. Go to the Archives for the chronological record of the additions for the past 2 years.
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