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THE fable which Alteria has just told to us with no less grace than discretion calls back to my mind a certain drollery, as laughable perchance as hers, which I heard briefly told from the mouth of a noble gentlewoman a short time agone. And, if I should not succeed in setting it forth with that distinction and elegance with which it was told by me, I must beg you to hold me excused, seeing that nature has been niggard to me of those 315 fine qualities granted so liberally to the lady of whom I speak.
Somewhat below Fano, a city of the Marches, situated on the shore of the Adriatic sea, there is a small town called Carignano, numbering amongst its people many lusty youths and fair damsels, and there, amongst others, dwelt a peasant named Sandro, one of the most witty and rollicking fellows nature ever made, and, for the reason that he recked nought of anything save what gave him pleasure, let thins go well or ill, that he became so ruddy and fat that his flesh resembled nothing so much as a bit of larded bacon. And he, when he had come to the age of forty, took to wife a woman just as good-humoured and fat as himself, and a week never passed in which this good woman would not carefully shave her husbandâs beard in order that he might look more seemly and frolicsome. It chanced that a certain Messer Castorio, a gentleman of Fano, rich and young, but of slender wit, purchased in the 316 commune of Caroignano a farm, on which stood a house of moderate size, and there, with two of his servants and a lady whom he entertained for his pleasure, he would spend a greater part of the summer. One day when Castorio, according to his custom, was walking through the fields after dinner, he marked Sandro, who was turning up the earth with his crooked plough, and seeing what a fine fat ruddy fellow the peasant was with his smiling face, he said: ÎGood neighbour, I cannot thing what can be the reason that I am so lank and lean, as you see, while you are ruddy and well fleshed. Every day I eat the nicest viands and drink the costliest wines; I lie in bed as long as pleases me, and want for nothing. No man in all the world longs so keenly as I do to get fat, but the greater pains I take to that end, the leaner I grown. Now all the winter you eat nought but the coarsest food, and drink watered wine; you rise up to go to your work while it is yet night, and 317 all summer long you never have an hourâs rest; nevertheless your rosy face and your well-covered ribs make you a pleasure to behold. Wherefore, being greatly desirous to become fat, I beg you that you will, to the best of your knowledge and power, help me to lay on flesh, and tell me the method you have employed so greatly to your own advantage. Then, over and beyond the fifty gold florins which I purpose to give you forthwith, I promise to reward you in such wise that, for the rest of your life, you will assuredly be well satisfied with what I do for you, and rest content.
Now Sandro, who was both cunning and roguish in grain, and was one of the red-haired sort, refused flatly to tell Castorio what he wanted to know se eagerly; but, after a little, feigning to be overcome by the importunities of Castorio, and amazingly taken in reality by the notion of fingering those fifty gold florins, he let loose his tongue somewhat, and, having given over his ploughing 318 for a little, he sat down beside Castorio and spake thus: ÎSignor Castorio, you say you are mightily astonished over my fatness and likewise over your own lean condition, believing the while that a man gets fat or thin by reason of what he may eat or drink; but in this you are vastly in error, for one may see any day eaters in any number, and drinkers as well, who rather gormandize than eat their food, and nevertheless are as thin as lizards. But if you will do for yourself what I have done, I will warrant you will soon be as fat as I am.â Then said Castorio, ÎAnd what is the thing you did?â Sandro answered, ÎWhy, about a year ago I made a gelding of myself, and from the self-same hour when I did this I grew fat as you see.â ÎBut I wonder you did not meet your death thereby,â replied Castorio. ÎWhat do you mean by death?â cried Sandro, Îseeing that the practitioner who did the business for me had such skill of hand that I felt not the least pain or hurt, and 319 from that very time my flesh has been like the flesh of a young child. Of a truth I have never felt myself so well and happy as I find myself to-day.â ÎAnd tell me, I pray you, the name of the man who did this service to you,â said Castorio. ÎAh! but he is dead, good man,â replied Sandro. ÎAlas!â (Susan note text missed end qutoe) cried Castorio, Îwhat shall we do then seeing that he is dead?â Then Sandro answered: ÎDo not be cast down; et me tell you that this good man, before he gave up the ghost, taught me, and made me the master of his art, which, from that time onward, I have regularly practised, castrating vast quantities of calves and fowls and other animals, which, as soon as I have tried my hand upon them, always lay on fat in a fashion that is wonderful to behold. Now, if you will only leave the charge of this matter to me, I will pledge myself that you will be highly contented with my handiwork.â ÎBut I fear I may die under the operation,â said Castorio. ÎWhat folly is this you 320 say? Death, forsooth! Look at the calves and the capons and the other animals I deal with in my calling; how many of these die?â cried Sandro. Whereupon Castorio who was possessed with a stronger desire to grow fat than had ever infected man before, said he would take time to consider the business.
But Sandro, who saw that Castorio in truth was fully determined to follow the advice he had given him, bade him not delay, but to allow him straightway to try his art upon him. The foolish fellow agreed, and Sandro, who had with him a knife as sharp as a razor, at once set to work, and in a few seconds of time made a capon of Messer Castorio. Then he took some sweet oil and the juice of certain herbs and made therewith a dressing, which he applied to the wound, and then helped Castorio to get up on his feet, as proper a eunuch as there was in the world. Castorio put his hand in his pocket and took therefrom fifty golden 321 florins, which he gave to Sandro, and then, having taken leave of the crafty peasant, he went back to his house.
But before Castorio had known an hourâs experience of life as a gelding, he began to feel the greatest pain and anguish that ever man had felt. He could never get rest for a single moment, and day by day his trouble increased, so that he was in great danger of death, and at the same time an offence to those about him. When this intelligence came to Sandroâs ears, he was mightily affrighted thereanent, and began heartily to wish that he had never played this scurvy trick upon Castorio, fearing lest the latter should indeed die of his injuries. Castorio, when he found himself brought into such a pitiable state, was so inflamed with rage on account of the pain he suffered and of the disgrace which must fall upon him, that he determined at all hazard to kill Sandro forthwith. So, to set about the business in the fashion he judged most fitting, he went, 322 accompanied by two of his servants, to the house of Sandro, whom he found at supper, and spake thus: ÎSandro, this is a fine trick you have played me, and one which will assuredly be the death of me; but before I die I promise you shall pay the price of the wickedness you have wrought.â To this Sandro replied: ÎThe affair was your own and none of mine, because it was by your prayers and supplications alone that I was induced to do this thing for you. But, in order that I many not seem to you as wanting in skill over my work, nor ungrateful for the reward you have given me, nor be reckoned as the cause of your undoing, I will ask you to come to me to-morrow morning in good time in my field, and there I will give you relief which will set you free at once from all fear of death on account of your ailment.â
As soon as Castorio had gone Sandro broke out into bitter weeping, wishing anxiously to fly the country at once and 323 to betake himself into some foreign land, deeming that he heard the tread of the officer of justice always at his heels, about to put him in bonds. His wife, when she saw how overwrought with grief and care he was, and knowing nought of the reason thereof, inquired of him why he bore himself thus mournfully, whereupon he told her the whole story, word for word. The wife, as soon as she had rightly comprehended the cause of her husbandâs dismay, and taken heed, moreover, of the fact that Castorio himself was a dolt and a witling, and that he of a surety stood in some peril of death, was at first somewhat troubled in mind herself, and began by rating her husband for his folly in thus having thrust his head into such danger. But afterwards she fell into a gentler mood, and comforted him, begging him to keep a light heart, for she would set to work to order the course of events so that he would be free from all serious danger.
324Next morning, when the appointed hour had come, the wife took the garments of Sandro her husband, and, having put them on her back and a cap upon her head, she went afield with the oxen and the plough and set to work to plough the land, keeping a watch to see whether Castorio came as appointed or not. Before long he appeared, and, deeming that the wife of Sandro must be Sandro himself at work ploughing his field, he spake thus: ÎSandrin, (1) je merus si ne prens pitié de moy, car la playe que mâas faicte nâest encores refermée, joint que la chair en est toute pourrie, et rend telle puanteur que je doubte de mon salut. Et si en bref ne me dones le remède nécessaire, tu me verras mourir à les pieds.â La femme desguisée en Sandrin luy demanda veoir sa playe, et quâelle y pourvoiroit. Adonc Castor, destachant sa brayette et hausante le devant de sa chemise, luy monstra lâoverture que le 325 chancre avoit desja toute gastée. Ce que voiant, ceste femme luy dit en souzriant: ÎMonsieur, vous monstrez bien que nâavez point de &coelig;ur de craindre la moret pour si peu de chose, que pensez neantmoins irreparable; mais vous estes tromé si le croyez ainsi; et quoy! si vous estiez comme moy, que serioit ce? Il y a un an entier que ma playe me fut faicte beaucoup plus grand que la vostre, toutefois elle nâest encores consolidée, neatmoins vous voyez comme je suis gras, potelé et frais comme un œllet. Et affin que ne doutiez de ce que je vous dy, je vous en veux bien mosnstrer lâexpérience.â Ce disant, sâaffermit dâune jambe contre terre, et levant lâautre sur les manches de la charue, haussa ses accoustrements et laschant une vesse lui fit baisser la test pour regarder. Castor voyant ceste grand overture, nâestre encor refermée depuis le temps, se rejouist en soy meme, deliberant de là en avant endurer patiemment la douleur que 326 provenoit de ceste incisure. Tellement que prenant courage au bout de quelque temps le pauvret commenca a se guarir et devenir si gras et refaice quâil donnoit plaisir a qui le regardoit.
Les dame risent assez de Castro lequel estois demeuré sans tesomings mais la risée des hommes fut beaucoup plus grande quand ils veirent la femme de Sandrin, desguisée en son mary, lui monstra la nature. Et pour ce quâaucun de la troupe ne se pouvoit absenir de rire Madame se frappant les mains lâune conre lâautre fit signe quâon se teust et quâAriane suivist lâordre en recitant son enigme. La quelle pour ne sembler moins propre et gentille que les autres, dit ainsi:
Lâenigme raconté par Ariane blessa un peu les aureilles des auditeurs lesques le trouvèrent aucunement vergongeux. Au moyen de quoy Madame, la reprenan avec aigres paroles, luy monstra quâelle nâen estoit contente. Mais la gentile demoiselle, qui estoit toute plaisante et gaillarde, dâun visage ouvert et joyaux sâexcusa disant: ÎSoubs vostre reverence, Madame, vous nâavez juste occasion vous fascher àâ lâencontre de moy dâautant que mon enigme qui porte seulement avec soy un ridicule effect nâest deshonneste comme on le pense, et voicy la raison: Quand on veut bailler un clystère à un malade, ne le faice on pas plus souvent coucher sur le ventre? Après, ne prent on pas à 328 belles mains la chose, câest a dire la seringue, et la met on pas dans le trou? Et pour ce que le malade prend le cystère contre son grè se plaignant ordinnairement, ne luy dict on pas quâil ne se fasche, ains prenne courage? Dâavantage celle qui luy donne, en poussant et repoussant, ne luy emplit elle pas la pance de la decoction? Ce faicte sâen retoune elle pas quasi toute lasse de la pein quâelle a prise à lâentour du malade? Ainsi voyez vous, noble assistence, mon enigme nâestre tant sale et vicieux que le faisiez du commencement.ä
The Signora, as soon as she heard and understood this excellent interpretation of the laughable riddle, was appeased, and gave leave henceforth to the story-tellers to say whatsoever they would, without fear of being called to account. Cateruzza, whose turn it was to tell the third story, perceiving that the Signoraâs anger was moderated, and that free field had been given to her for 329 her discourse, began her story in an animated style as follows.
1 Translation by Pierre de la Rivey.