AND. We are agreed then on the price, and the Messer, with the courage of a Sanese, will fun the risk of taking the pills.
MACO. They make me very pensive, very.
MER. Pilularum romanae Curiae sunt dulciora.
GRILLO. Scherzate co’ santi e lasciate star i fanti. (1)
MACO. Why do you say that?
GRILLO. Don’t you hear the doctor swearing like a gambler?
MACO. He speaks by letter, you beast. Listen to me, my Lord.
MER. Dico vobis dulciora sunt Curiae Romanae pilularum.
MACO. Nego istam.
MER. Aprogressus herbis, et in verbis sic inquit totiens quotiens aliquo cortigianos diventare volunt pilularum accipere necessitatis est.
MACO. But Petrarch doesn’t say Cortegianos.
AND. He says it in a thousand places.
MACO. That’s right; Petrarch does say it in that sonnet: E si debile il filo.
AND. You are more learned than Orlando.
MER. In conclusion, does your Lordship know the medlars?
MACO. Yes, master.
MER. The medlars of Sienna are the pills of Rome.
MACO. If the pills of Rome are the medlars of Sienna, I will take a thousand.
GRILLO. Che tutta notte canta. (2)
MACO. What are you saying?
238GRILLO. I was saying that it would be a good thing if you would dispatch me to look after the moulds.
MACO. Go ahead and pick out the most comfortable ones.
GRILLO. I’ll go.
MACO. Listen. Pick out the best-looking ones.
GRILLO. I understand.
MACO. And see to it, Grillo, that no one becomes a Courtier before I do.
GRILLO. It shall be done.
AND. And don’t forget the scales, for as soon as we have him in the moulds, we want to weigh him and charge him so much a pound.
GRILLO. There will be nothing lacking.
AND. There is nothing more, except for you to swear that when you shall have become a Courtier and a Cardinal, you will show me favors, for one no sooner enters the Court than he puts on a different face, and, from being learned, wise and good, he becomes a sorry and ignorant madman; every vile knave, as soon as he feels the camlet on him, will not deign to speak to anyone, and he is the mortal enemy of the one who once helped him, for the reason that he is ashamed to confess that he was once in misery. And so, swear.
MACO. I’ll touch you under the chin.
AND. That’s a boyish sport; swear a real oath.
MACO. By the blessed Cross.
AND. That’s a woman’s oath.
MACO. By the holy Gospel.
AND. That’s a countryman’s oath.
MACO. By the faith of God.
AND. That’s the way a porter swears.
MACO. By my soul.
MACO. That sounds like a hypocrite.
MACO. Body of the world.
AND. That sounds stupid and silly.
MACO. Do you want me to say Lord’s Day?
239MER. Co’ Santi, e lasciate star i fanti, as Grillo said before.
MACO. I want to satisfy the Maestro, I do.
AND. Haven’t I told you that profanity is necessary to a Courtier?
MACO. Yes, but I had forgotten it, I had.
MER. Let’s not waste time till the moulds get cold, for wood at Rome costs an eyeful.
MACO. If you want some, I’ll send for a pile from Sienna.
AND. Ha, ha, ha! What a plusquam perfect madman!.
MACO. What’s that you say?
MER. That you will be a plusquam perfect Courtier.
MACO. Gran mercè, doctor.
GRILLO. The pills, the moulds and everything are waiting.
MACO. The moon, in what position is it?
MER. In Colocut.
MACO. If it’s not at mid-month, that’s all right.
MER. It’s been a year since it was.
MACO. Then I can take the medlars without fear of the flux.
MER. That’s right gallant.
AND. Enter.
MACO. I go, I enter.
ALV. How goes it, Rosso old top?
ROSSO. I thought you were lost.
ALV. I’m all out of breath, I’ve just spoken to my confessor, and I know when the madonna’s day of mid-August comes.
ROSSO. What good does it do you to know that?
ALV. Because I have made a vow to fast on her vigil. Then I had a dream explained and arranged to have the miracles of my mistress put into a sermon. I did the Via de la Piamontese; she has miscarried, you know. Then I gave a look at the ulcerated leg of Beatrice, oh for shame! Then I found in the monastery of the Convertite a place for the pagnina; and I went to Santo Janni 240 to visit the Spanish lady who has shut herself up there out of spite to Don Diego.
ROSSO. I’ve heard that gossip.
ALV. And having done this, I gulped down a decanter of Corso at the Lepre and here I am.
ROSSO. Alvigia, we are two, and ye t we are one; and when you do me a service in words, by the body — by the blood of the immaculate, the blessed and consecrate, I am yours, body and soul.
ALV. If you don’t go beyond words, the cow is ours.
ROSSO. Cow? And am I not to have a little of something else?
ALV. Such talk! Aren’t you ashamed?
ROSSO. One at court ashamed? Ha! The bracelet is yours.
ALV. I accept it and I do not accept it. I accept it, in case I am of service to you, and in case I am not, I do not accept it.
ROSSO. You talk like the Sybil. Do you know what, I have it in for Valerio, and I should be the whole thing if he fell into disgrace with the master, and that would be a good thing for you.
ALV. I understand. A good thing for me, eh? Rest assured, I’ll find a way to ruin him.
ROSSO. How?
ALV. Let me think.
ROSSO. Think well, for, if he goes to the bordello, I shall be dominus dominantium..
ALV. I have it.
ROSSO. I can breathe a little more freely now.
ALV. I will say that this Valerio of yours has told Liello di Rienzo Mazzienzo, the brother of Livia, how I am pimping for his sister, and make out that there is not a worse man in all Rome; and I think your master from the experience he has had in the past, will believe it.
ROSSO. Oh what genius! Oh what foresight! It is a treason that you are not Princess of Corneto, of Palo, of Magliana, etc. But there’s the master. Alvigia, in te domine 241speravi, and I shall not forget what you do for me.
PAR. What is my Goddess doing?
ALV. My goodness does not deserve that.
PAR. God help me.
ROSSO. There’s bad news.
PAR. What is it?
ALV. Go on, tell him, go on.
ROSSO. For my own part, I would defecate on the world, but I am grieved for this poor woman’s sake.
PAR. Don’t keep me in suspense.
ROSSO. Your Valerio . . .
PAR. What has my Valerio done?
ROSSO. Nothing.
ALV. Do you know, Signor? he has gone to tell the brother of Livia that Rosso and I are pimping for his sister.
PAR. Oimè, what’s this I hear?
ROSSO. Yes, and the cruel braggart of Trastevere has been the death of forty Bailiffs and five or six Sheriffs, and yesterday he beat two of the guard; he bears arms in despite of the governor, and he’s on the point of fighting with that Rienzo who with his great sword cut to pieces the pilgrim’s crown; and I only hope to God your Lordship comes out of it clean. (4)
PAR. I am bursting! Don’t hold me! I’ll go at once and stick a dagger in his heart. Don’t hold me!
ALV. Easy, easy, simulation, punishment, and not fury.
PAR. Traitor!
ROSSO. Be quiet. Folks will hear you and there will be a bigger scandal.
PAR. Assassin!
ALV. Don’t remind me, the honor of Livia is in your keeping.
PAR. With five hundred scudi I’ve lifted him out of the mud.
ROSSO. He has the income of a Signor.
242PAR. Tell me, shall I be able to have Livia now? You’re silent.
ROSSO. She is silent because her heart is breaking at not being able to serve you.
PAR. Beseech her, dear Rosso, conjure her, or I’ll die.
ROSSO. You make me blush, Signor, to think I’m your slave; but Alvigia is not to be forced, ever; it is better to be a live ass than a dead Bishop.
ALV. Don’t weep, dear Signor, for I could throw myself in the fire at the sight of your Lordship. What if her brother does kill me? I’ll only be out of my misery, and I shan’t have to suffer from famine any more, for there at least I shan’t die of hunger.
PAR. Here, take this diamond and eat it.
ROSSO. The devil, no, for they are poisonous.
ALV. What do you know about it?
ROSSO. So I’ve been told by Mainoldo Mantavano, a Catholic cavalier and the apostolic jeweler and the most diabolic madman besides, who used to be my master. Oh he is a big blockhead.
PAR. Take it, Madonna madre
ALV. Gran mercè to your Lordship. Come into the house. Wait here, Rosso.
ROSSO. I’ll wait.
ROSSO. He who is an ass and thinks he is a stag will lose his friend and never have any money, says Mescolino da Sienna. I have given you bread for your cakes, Sire Zugo, I know where you’re going. You’re going to play the Lord at Tigoli. I know you of old, dressed up like an ox and stinking like one, hurling insults at everybody and treating everyone like a beast, talking always of war, as if you had been the Signor Giovanni de’ Medici himself; and if anyone answers you, you are on his back at once, like a furious ass; and the priests who surround the master of ceremonies when he waits on 243 the Pope in the Cappella are not so numerous as are his bowings and scrapings when he talks with anyone; and he would kill you for not taking off your barretta to him or for failing to give him a Signor si and a Signor no. And he plays the imperial, as if the King of France took any notice of such simpletons, poltroons who are not even fit to take care of his Majesty’s dogs. He was angry with his own brother for not addressing him as reverence in the superscriptions of his letters. You may be a Lord, but you’ll turn out a knave, even if you are rich, you poltroon.
ALV. Whom were you barking at?
ROSSO. At myself. How go our plans?
ALV. Very fine: kicks, fists, tugs of the beard, the devil is to pay.
ROSSO. What did he say?
ALV. Why do this to me, Signor? What have I done, master?
ROSSO. And the Signor, what did he reply?
ALV. You know well enough, you big traitor.
ROSSO. Ha, ha, ha!
ALV. And now do I get the necklace?
ROSSO. And the diamond too.
ALV. Why is it that the first day a lover gets snared he becomes a dotard? But he is to be here at a quarter after six. The time is almost up. I must go, for I have no time to throw away. Sta’ sano.
PAR. Is it true Valerio said such things about me?
ROSSO. And worse yet, but I don’t like to repeat them.
PAR. To the galleys with him. I’ve made up my mind.
ROSSO. Poison and things . . .
PAR. How poison and things?
244ROSSO. Poison that he bought, etc.
PAR. This is a case for the Sheriff!
ROSSO. Whores and lads and gambling.
PAR. What’s that you say?
ROSSO. Then he spread that story about your family and the one about your aunt.
PAR. What?
ROSSO. And how you kept him in want.
PAR. Like servants, like enemies.
ROSSO. He added that you were ignorant, an ingrate, and envious.
PAR. He lies in the throat.
ROSSO. But I shall be faithful. I have no spite to take out on anyone. Since he has erred, punish him, that’s all there is to it. Meanwhile, Alvigia will do her duty, but what will you say to the Signora at the first meeting?
PAR. What would you say?
ROSSO. I should let my hands do the talking.
PAR. Ha, ha, ha!
ROSSO. It’s a treason she can’t see you in the light.
PAR. Why?
ROSSO. Because, to tell you the truth, where will they find another like you? What eyes, what attractive brows, what lips, what teeth and what a breath! (5) Your Lordship has the most admirable grace, and I do not say this to flatter you; I swear to God that, when you walk down the street, they hand out of the windows. But why am I not a woman?
PAR. What would you do if you were a woman?
ROSSO. Pull you on top of me or die.
PAR. Ha, ha, ha!
ROSSO. If your Lordship would like to ride in cavalcade, the mules should be waiting.
PAR. I want to take a little exercise.
245ROSSO. Don’t tire yourself, for remember that the jousts of love require strong men.
PAR. You take me for a weakling?
ROSSO. No, but I should like to see you fresh when you meet Livia.
PAR. Let us go, then, in peace.
ROSSO. As your Lordship pleases.
V
TOGNA. (From within). Who’s there?
ALV. It is I.
TOGNA. Who are you?
ALV. Alvigia, my daughter.
TOGNA. Wait a minute. (She opens the door).
ALV. Greetings, dear daughter. Ave Maria.
TOGNA. What miracle brings you here?
ALV. This Advent and these Ember Days have so distempered me with their cursed fast days that I am not myself any more. Gratia plena dominus tecum.
TOGNA. You are always saying your prayers, and here I never go to church nor do anything I ought to.
ALV. Benedicta tu. (6) I am the greatest sinner of all. In mulieribus. Do you know what I’ve come to tell you?
TOGNA. Madonna, no.
ALV. I want you to come to my house at five o’clock, for I’m going to introduce you to the nobility. Et benedictus ventris tui. I’ll treat you better than I did the other day. In hunc et en hora. Look at me. Mortis nostrae. What do you think of it? Amen.
TOGNA. The end of it is, I’ll do what you want me to, for that old souse deserves all that’s coming to him.
ALV. That’s right. Pater noster — you must come dressed like a man, for these stable boys — qui es in caelis — play some foolish jokes at night — sanctificetur nomen tuum — and I don’t want you to get into trouble — adveniat regnum tuum — As Angela did — in caelo et in terra.
247TOGNA. Oimè, there’s my husband.
ALV. Don’t be a ninny and lose your wits. Panem nostrum quotidiano da nobis hodie (7) There’s no other feast day that I know of this week, daughter, except the pilgrimage to San Lorenzo extra . . .
ARC. What are you gossiping about?
TOGNA. Debita nostra debitoribus. Monna Antonia was just asking me about the pilgrimage to San Lorenzo extra muros. Sic nos demittimus.
ARC. I don’t like these carryings-on.
ALV. Et ne nos inducas. My good man, it is necessary once in a while to think of one’s soul. In tentatione.
ARC. My conscience!
TOGNA. You think everyone is like yourself, who never go to mass or matins.
ARC. Keep still, you sow.
TOGNA. Anima tua, manica mia. (8)
ARC. I’ll fix you.
ALV. Don’t be angry. Sed libera nos a malo.
ARC. Do you know what I have to say to you, old woman?
ALV. No, my sweetness and life, what have you to say?
ARC. That if I find you talking any more with this brazen-faced old pile of dung, I won’t be responsible for what I do.
ALV. Lagrimarum valle. I wouldn’t care if you covered me with gold. A te suspiramus. Got knows my good intentions. Monna Antonia, you are not to come on the pilgrimage I told you of, for it is the devil himself who has taken your husband by the hair, clementes et flentes.
TOGNA. It is wine that has him by the hair, I can see that.
ARC. Where are you going?
TOGNA. On the pilgrimage, to do my duty, can’t you see?
ARC. Go on in the house and hurry up about it.
248TOGNA. I’ll go but what then?
ARC. He who has a she-goat has horns; all the proverbs are true. My wife is not of much weight, I’m wise to the fact that she is going out to look for her own consolations, and this old bitch has made me think of my plans. It will be a good thing for me to play the drunkard tonight. That won’t be much trouble for me, and maybe I can find out where this pilgrimage is she’s talking about. (Calling.) Togna, Togna, don’t you hear?
TOGNA. (from within.) What do you want?
ARC. Come down.
TOGNA. Here I am. (She comes in.).
ARC. Weren’t you waiting dinner on me?
TOGNA. Nothing else but. (9)
ARC. That’s fair enough. (10)
TOGNA. You would do better to stay home and leave the taverns and wenches alone.
ARC. You give me a headache.
TOGNA. I hope you meet someone who gives you what you deserve.
ARC. Shut up, old long-tongue.
TOGNA. Is this the thanks I get?
ARC. Well, anyway, you don’t see me flirting at the windows.
TOGNA. So you think I’m one of that kind, do you, old soak?
ARC. I’m off.
TOGNA. At the same time, but not to the same place. You go your way and I’ll go mine, and I’ll get even with you yet. You with your lady friends and I with my gentleman friends, you to wine and I to love. And I don’t care if you split, you jealous old drunkard.
ROSSO. You seem to be afraid that the Sun and Moon will fall in love with her.
PAR. Who knows?
ROSSO. Only I. Do you think the Moon would fall in love with a woman like her?
PAR. It might be. But the Sun?
ROSSO. The Sun is too busy.
PAR. Why?
ROSSO. Because it’s too busy drying the shirt of Venus which Mercury — I mean, Mars — has p——— on.
PAR. That’s silly talk. Why I’m afraid the very bed she sleeps in and the room she lives in will enjoy her love.
ROSSO. You are most diabolically jealous. Do you think that the room and the bed have (saving your reverence) the same lust as you?
PAR. Let’s go home then.
ROSSO. Your Lordship has quicksilver on his back; and so, don’t let anything stop you.
GRILLO. Ha, ha, ha! Messer Maco has been in the kettle, which he thought was a mould, and he has belched up his bowels, as anyone would who hadn’t the stomach to suffer heat. They’ve perfumed, shaved and dressed him up so that he looks like another person. He leaps, dances, sings and says all sorts of things, such knavish words that you would think he came from Bergamo rather than Sienna. And Maestro Andrea pretends to be astonished at every word that drops from his mouth and makes him believe, with unheard of oaths, that he is the finest Courtier that ever was seen. And Messer Maco thinks he is the finest ever. Ha, ha, ha! And he is determined at all costs to break the kettle, so that no other Courtier so fine as he can be made in it. And now, he is sending me for sweetbreads to Sienna, and he has told me that if I don’t come back right away, he will give me a beating, and the old raven 250 is waiting for me. The best part will be, when they make him look in a concave mirror, which will show him his face all changed. What sport that will be! If I did not have to go to the garden of Messer Agostino Chigi, I would stay to see the fun, but I can’t do it. Hello, Rosso, I wasn’t expecting you.
ROSSO. Addio, Grillo, a rivederci. A cancer on love and all that goes with it. I’ve become a messenger boy to fetch procuresses for my master, who wants to make me his Maestro di Casa, I’d rather be anything else than one of those major-domos who fatten themselves, their concubines and he-concubines, on the mouthfuls which the big knaves steal from the other servants. I know one traitor who even lent his master at interest the money he had stolen in the government of his house. Oh, the gluttons, oh, the big asses! You go to the privy with a fine torch, and we go to bed in the dark; you drink divine wines and we drink vinegar and mouldy wine; you feed on choice meats and we on stale beef. But where is that phantasm of an Alvigia? And what the devil is that Jew crying?
JEW. Old iron, old iron, old iron.
ROSSO. I ought to treat him as I did the Fisherman.
JEW. Old iron, old iron.
ROSSO. Come here, Jew.
JEW. What will you have?
ROSSO. What doublet is that?
JEW. It used to belong to the Cavalier Grandino. And what satin!
ROSSO. What’s it worth?
JEW. Try it on, and then we’ll talk of the price.
ROSSO. Now you’re talking.
JEW. Put the cloak on first. Put your arm in here. May I 251 never see the Messiah, if it wasn’t made for your back; and the very latest cut.
ROSSO. You don’t say.
JEW. May I never go to the Synagogue on the Sabbath if is wasn’t made for your figure.
ROSSO. And now to the price, and in case you treat me right, I will buy also that friar’s hood for a brother of mine in Aracoeli.
JEW. If you take this hood also, I’ll make you a bargain, and I would have you know that it came from the most reverend Aracoeli in minoribus.
ROSSO. So much the better. But since my brother has a figure out of the ordinary, I’d like to see it on your poor back, and then we’ll make a bargain.
JEW. That suits me, I want you to fell safe in spending your four farthings.
ROSSO. You’ve dropped the cord. Now put on the scapular. In faith, it’s a fine one.
JEW. And what cloth!
ROSSO. And now, since you seem to be a good fellow, I’ve thought up something good for you.
JEW. A cancer on your thoughts.
ROSSO. I want to make you a Christian. (8)
JEW. You must feel like talking. You believe in God and I in God. If you want to buy, that’s one thing; and if you want to talk, that’s another.
ROSSO. It’s a sin to do you a favor. Who said anything about the soul? The soul is a minor matter.
JEW. Take off my jerkin.
ROSSO. Listen to me. There are three reasons why I’m going to make you a Christian.
JEW. Take it off, I tell you.
ROSSO. Listen, you beast. If I make you a Christian, the very day you are baptised you will lay your claws on a basin 252 full of denarii, and besides, all Rome will come to see you crowned with olive, which is a fine thing.
JEW. You are having a good time.
ROSSO. Another reason is, so you can eat pork.
JEW. I don’t care much for that.
ROSSO. You don’t care much for it? If you had ever had your fill of oiled bread, (11) you would thank a a hundred Messiahs for love of it. Oh what a melody it is when the pane unto is on eh fire with a jug between the legs and nothing to do but eat and drink. (12)
JEW. Give me my jerkin. I’ve got something to do.
ROSSO. The last reason is, so you will not have to wear the red sign on your breast.
JEW. What difference does that make.
ROSSO. It makes this difference, that the Spaniards would crucify you for that sign.
JEW. Why crucify me?
ROSSO. Because it makes you look like one of them.
JEW. There’s a difference between them and us.
ROSSO. There is no difference if you wear that. And then, if you don’t have the sign of a Jew, the urchins won’t pelt you with orange peel and melons. And so, become a Christian, become a Christian, become a Christian, I say it to you three times.
JEW. I don’t want to, I don’t want to, I don’t want to. I also say it to you three times.
ROSSO. Well, master Jew, like the good fellow I am, I’ve done my duty and relieved my conscience. And now, what do you want for the whole thing.
JEW. Twelve ducats.
ROSSO. In gold or carlins?
JEW. In Romanian coin, that’s understood.
ROSSO. Wait a minute, I’ll be right back.
JEW. Here, where are you going?
253ROSSO. Don’t worry. It’s full of moths anyway.
JEW. That’s nothing.
ROSSO. Wait here. Don’t move.
JEW. Don’t move, eh? Just watch me. (Rosso starts to run out with the doublet, and the Jew, clad as a Friar, starts after him.)
JEW. Stop, thief! Stop, thief!
SHERIFF. What’s all the racket?
ROSSO. Signor Capitano, this Friar just came out of a whore’s house, or from some tavern, drunk. He started to run after me and I, who have nothing to do with the religious, took to my heels. But when I looked at him closely, I saw that he was neither a priest nor St. Francis himself.
JEW. I’m not a Friar; I’m Romanello, the Jew, and I want the jerkin he has on his back.
SHERIFF. Ha! you dirty stinking dog, you, so you’d make sport of our religion? Take him, bind him and throw him in prison.
JEW. Mister Sheriff, that man’s an imposter.
BAILIFFS. Shut up, you dog of a Jew!
SHERIFF. Put him in the stocks, in irons and in handcuffs.
BAILIFFS. It shall be done.
SHERIFF. And this evening, give him ten lashes.
BAILIFFS. Twenty-five, if ten are not enough.
ROSSO. Your Lordship is giving him a proper punishment. I think I’ve caught a cold, running like this; I’m sweating all over.
SHERIFF. Ha, ha!
ROSSO. You’ve got what’s coming to you, poltroon of a Friar!
SHERIFF. (to Rosso). Come along with us; you’ve got the face of a good fellow.
ROSSO. At your Highness’ service.
What does he know about faces? Oh these Sheriffs! They give someone the rope for carrying a dagger and let thieves go free; they even praise them, as this fellow did me just now, all for having called a hangman a Capitano. And now to find the old lady. I’ll tell her the Signor has given me this doublet, and I’ll tell the Signor that Livia has made me a present.
AND. By God, but a little sense is enough, as the motto says which Todeschino has on his shield.
MACO. Oh what a fine, what a divine Courtier I am!
MER. You’ll never see your match in a thousand years.
MACO. I want to see how I look as a Courtier.
AND. (handing him a concave mirror.) Take a look then, and I hope you don’t lose your head, as Sire Narcissus did.
MACO. I want to look at my face; give it to me. Oh what pain I’ve suffered! I’d rather give birth to a child than be in those moulds.
AND. Look, then.
MACO. O God! O my Lord! I’m ruined! Ah, knaves! Give me back my face, give me back my head, my hair, my nose! Oh what a mouth! Oimè, what eyes! Commendo spiritum meum. (He sinks to his knees.)
MER. Get up! It’s the cobwebs in your brain that make you see double.
AND. (handing him another mirror.) Here, look, and you’ll see it’s all an accident.
MACO. I’ll take another look. (With the other mirror in his hand.) Ah, I’m myself again!
AND. Your Lordship has told a fib in saying you were ruined.
MACO. I am saved! I am alive! I am I! And now, I want to run through all Rome, I want to flay the Governor alive, who sent the Sheriff out to look for me. I want to curse, I want to bear arms, I want to spike all the ladies. 255 Away, doctor, puttana nostra vostra. (13). Away, Maestro, for by the body . . . you don’t know me now that I’ve become a Courtier, eh?
MER. I commend myself to your Lordship, a rivederci.
AND. Ha, ha, ha!
MACO. I want to be a Bishop, and tomorrow a Cardinal, and tomorrow night Pope. Here we are at the house of Camilla. Knock hard.
BIAGINA. (from inside the house). Who’s knocking?
AND. Open to a gentleman.
BIAG. Who is the gentleman?
MACO. The Signor Maco.
BIAG. What Signor Maco?
MACO. What Signor Maco? May God give you an evil year, poltroon of a she-pig!
BIAG. The Signora has company.
MACO. Chase them away.
BIAG. What, chase away my mistress’ gentleman friends?
MACO. Yes, away with them, or I’ll give you a flogging; I’ll give you a thousand cold-water enemas.
AND. Open to a new Courtier.
BIAG. At your service, Maestro Andrea.
AND. Draw the bolt.
BIAG. Ora. (14)
MACO. What does she say?
AND. Che ti adora. (15)
MACO. Mora. (16)
BIAG. Oh, what a madman!
MACO. What’s she barking about?
AND. She’s excusing herself for not having recognized you.
MACO. I want to be recognized, I do.
AND. Enter, your Lordship.
256MACO. I enter. ’Ods blood but . . . I’ll spike all the women in the house.
ALV. (from within.) The man must be crazy to knock like that.
ALV. Do you want to break the door down?
ROSSO. Open, it’s Rosso.
ALV. I thought you wanted to tear the door down.
ROSSO. What are you up to? Some witchcraft?
ALV. I was drying some roots in the shade, but I can’t tell you what they were. And I had a few alembics in the oven to make a little acqua vita.
ROSSO. Have you spoken to her?
ALV. Yes, but . . .
ROSSO. What do you mean by that pause?
ALV. Her husband is a jealous bird . . . (15)
ROSSO. What! Is he wise? (16)
ALV. He is wise, and he is not wise; but we shall see what we shall see.
ROSSO. Tell me in plain Italian, for I don’t understand your cipher.
ALV. You have to talk that way not to be taken for a rogue. Go back to the Signor and tell him to come at a quarter after six.
ROSSO. One kiss, Queen of Empresses, for Roe without you would be like a spring without a bucket.
ALV. Silly boy!
ROSSO. There, go back to your distillations, and I’ll see if I can find the master; for now he’s up, and now he’s down, now he’s in, now he’s out; what a windmill love makes of a man!
ALV. You’ve got the idea.
257ROSSO. Here he is himself. Greetings.
PAR. What’s the news?
ROSSO. Good news; at a quarter after six she’ll be waiting for you in the house of the blessed Lady, Madonna Alvigia.
PAR. I congratulate you, her, and my benign fortune. Listen, One two, three, four.
ROSSO. Ha, ha, ha! The bells ring and you think they’re clocks.
PAR. I can’t possibly live so long.
ROSSO. Nor I fast so long.
PAR. Oh what a passion!
ROSSO. Don’t you think I want a little supper, not being made of lead.
PAR. That’s for you to say. As for me, I feed on my memories.
ROSSO. I’d feed on them too, if they were good to eat, those memories of yours. Let’s go in.
PAR. I’m coming.
1 “Play with saints and leave infants alone.”
2 Which sings all night.
3 ne vada netto.
4 From which it may be seen, “halitosis” is as old as the cinquecento!
5 Camerini remarks, in a note to his edition of this play: “This mixture of mutilated prayers and gallant remarks is the high point of Aretino’s impiety, which is yet marvelously characteristic of teh devtions of a pollastriera.”
6 Alvigia’s Latin is a little off at times
7 Your soul, my sleeve.
8 Non fu mai piu.
9 Basta mo.
10 The old theme. It is not hard to see where Shakespeare got his Shylock.
11 pane unto.
12 See Letters, LVI., et al.
13 Your whore is ours.
14 Now, right away. A word play such as characterizes the early Shakespearean comedies.
15 That she adores you.
16 Untranslatable here.
17 becco geloso.
18 Se n’e accorto?