From Rude Rural Rhymes by Bob Adams, New York: The Macmillan Company; 1925; pp. 83-86.
FEEDING FATHER
We know the latest diet rules
And raise the children by them;
They keep ma slim and Susan plump,
But father will not try them.
Man wants but little here below
Nor wants that little long,
But pa wants coffee thrice a day
And wants that coffee strong.
We know that fruits are good for pa,
We steam them, boil, them, bake them,
We cook them fifty-seven ways
But can’t make father take them.
We serve him eggs in many styles,
We scramble, poach and beat them;
They must be fried like tough rawhide,
Or father will not eat them.
The healthful greens and stringless beans
His palate do not tickle,
But he will shout for sauerkraut
Nine wienies and a pickle.
He’s busting all nutrition rules
In spirit and in letter,
He wants fried spuds three times a day,
[86]
The greasier the better.
If pa still stubbornly persists
Dame Nature’s wrath to brave,
We fear, by gum, that he will come
To an untimely grave.
Just how he’ll fare when over there
And what he’ll chew we know not.
How will he eat celestial meat
Without a soggy doughnut?
Above the choir they’ll hear our sire;
Above its loud hosanna,
He’ll criticize the lack of pies
And kick about the manna.